- 24th October 2011
Okay, where do I even start?
Second week of lectures's started. Still more or less the same things I did, albeit with a little more detail. And possibly more work required.. should get onto that soon ;P!
Have been itching to write for a long while now - I think my problem is that I keep thinking that this will have to be something big and elaborate and just keep putting it off
<== That was written on 191011, sometime in the evening, if I can remember correctly. Before I then started distracting myself with fics (was going through crack_impala's RPS rec list) until I sorta give into the fact that the tutorial sheet will not write itself around 11-12.
Before I distract myself with fics, again, let me get this down quickly. Just finished Scott Sickle's 'Genaelogy of a Kiss'. Feeling a little... ngh~~, as I am wont to do after a good, emotional piece. Reminds me of Holding the Man in that they both deal with more or less the same issue - relationship, gay men and AIDS. Similar technique with time jumps and all - but differences in the detail as well. HTM has one leading couple, GoK has two-ish. And I really quite like the way it deals with the end of one relationship and how that affects the other. I really like the detail and the dialogue.
Now, about fics and distractions - I noticed that I touched on a similar vein of subject a couple of entries back (the one with my mini-J2 rec). It's weird, actually. I tried going back to HD a couple of days ago and, okay, to be fair it was an average fic - but.. it's just not quite the same..
This thing about different fandoms - different characters and different settings give us different 'materials' to explore different themes. And while I LOVE my HD - many post-war stuff, a lot of AU (I think age comes into play at this point as well - I find myself enjoying fics where the characters are in their 20s/ have jobs a lot more than high school/hogwarts stuff), with it's premise of shared histories and overcoming differences and all that (not to mention the wit and sarcasm often found in Draco ;p!) - oh, and you can do a LOT with the Magic element as well, actually - I just find a different.. focus, I suppose, with J2.
This fandom, to me, at least, seems to thrive on the instant attraction/rapport between the Js. And maybe that's closer to RL or my ideals. Wincest, from what I can gather with my limited reading, affords the intensity of emotion because of the background in canon. And while I haven't read anywhere near enough of it, that's one of the elements I most enjoy - it makes for some beautifully intense/tugs-at-heartstring stories.
<=== And that was 211011 in the early evenings. God, I swear I must have developed an attention span problem or something!!! But it just seems like there were more that I wanted to say and things weren't coming out quite right or something. Nevermind...
There's actually a J2 Big Bang that I am quite interested in - Don't Hide Your Light. I read the A/N and she said she wanted to look at the gender stereotypes and where they come from and how things like religion and fear may affect people and their self-perception and things like that. It's not even THAT long - maybe I'll read it soon.
Now, I have started to notice that whenever I wanted to 'stall', I try to find something that I think would be short and quick - I think that's partially the guilt. But what sort of amuses me afterwards is the fact that I'd have 'longer' things that I wanted to have a look at/read but I'd avoid them because I feel too guilty to do it then or sth but if I add up all the times I spent on the 'shorter ones' combined, it'd probably e more than if I'd just given in and read that one long one ;p! I guess one argument in my favour is that with 'shorter' ones, I could sort of stop after a short period of time, whereas I'd be hard pushed to just leave a long one in the middle - only problem? I tend to get carried away just as much with the shorter ones ^^!
A quick update on RL before I go back to some more internal musings - went out and meet a group of Thai seniors today. P'Nithi (P'Big) FB messaged me last week to say that there'd be a 2nd hand fair at Marstallhof today (sat 22 Oct) from 10-3 and they're gonna go for Dinner afterwards so would I like to come? I told him that I'd probably stop by after lunch and will stay for dinner - but I ended up going there around 3.30pm instead - just because I was lounging around and couldn't be bothered to get myself ready until it was nearly 3pm ^^! But met a group of Thais anyway - a lot of people came from Karlsruhe, about 45min away by train, I think, and here's my list of name, again ;P!
P'Big (Nithi), P'Arm, P'Tem, P'Mod, P'Rit, P'Moo, P'X, P'Aoeng (from CRI as well!), P'Ji, P'Aew, P'Bonn, P'Pao, P'Pink, P'Kae and Jom, who's a year older (I think - or two, no matter ;P!), German but spoke PERFECT Thai - with hardly a hint of accent at all!! And it was after 2 yrs only - one for AFS and another for work ex in BKK!! Most ppl are doing Maths, apart from P'Moo who's doing Music Therapy, P'Rit in Biotech and Jom in Teaching school. There are possibly one or two more names I didn't get to ask, since there were so many of us. But in chronological order - I called P'Big when I was at Marstall but he'd already left so he told me to go find a table with Thai people. Met P'Ji, P'Aew and P'Bom then P'X, P'Moo - P'Aoeng and Jom joined a bit later - discovered that P'Aoeng is from CRI - started speaking dialect. Jom was an AFS in Nan as well as spending a year in BKK - such good accent! Apparently he could also understand Dialect, just can't speak it.
Then P'Aoeng. P'Moo and Jom were going for a walk - tagged along. Ended up at a kibab shop. Ate (just a tiny bit messily, perhaps - but it was still fine, honest!!) and then P'Aoeng had to leave for work back in Mannheim. Went with P'Moo and Jom to dinner - met P'Big (I actually thought P'Tam was P'Big 'cause he was the first one with glasses I saw XD!!!), P'Tam, P'Arm, P'Mod and P'Rit. Was actually quite stuffed already but ordered anyway ^^! We were there for a while so talked for a bit. Then we sort of started travelling back home - went to Bismarktplatz. A lot of ppl were heading to Hauptbahnhof for their trains home but a group of us: P'Moo, P'Arm, P'Tem, P'X, P'Rit and P'Mod, were heading to P'Pink's house. Met P'Pink and P'Kae. Talked. Went to Rewe with P'Tem and P'Arm - got some more provisions. P'Tae lives in Holbeinring, same as Ina!! Went home ;)!
<=== The above section was started around midnight of 221011 and I stopped and stalled for a bit etc etc. Went to bed at around 3 - only get to finish up just now - 12.07pm, 2231011 ^^!
Might or might not go out today - texted last night. Weather is nice though ^^
Now, I'm DETERMINED to finish this - really need to go off and do that tutorial afterall ^^!
So, what was it again? I think the general 'things' that has been floating around my head was mostly fandom-related. How I'm sort of living vicariously through all these schmoop - which would explain my penchance towards them being 'older' than high school kids ;p!
But if you think about it - what is all this romance? I think it has a lot to do with approval. If you think about it, people struggle to find 'who they are' and 'the purpose of life' - why? Because now that they can afford to think beyond gathering food and daily survival, suddenly all these opportunities are open for them. And it's overwhelming if you don't know 'where' you're supposed to go - you don't even know where to start! Which would also explain why 'what colour is your aura', 'what does your birthday say about you' type-things/ personality quizes are so popular. And it's not like we DON'T know that they are all sort of generic and vague for a reason - it's just selective perception kicks in to try and reinforced our identity.
And that's what scary, isn't it? Identity. The fact that there's nothing to support 'who you are' apart from the 'you' that kept making that choice. The you that 'chose' to be this way and that. And I should really practise what I preach, shouldn't I? But to 'change' requires energy. See? There's nothing to stop me from being a lazy ass (seriously, a day can go by sooo quickly, only for you to discover that you've done virtually NOTHING to mark it apart from the others that came before it..) apart from my reluctance to 'change'.
So, back to schmoop and courtship - for someone to 'enjoy your company' is a testament, a proof that 'who you have chosen to be' is a good choice, a valid choice.
Jumping back quickly to CS and RL - I've virtually neglected my Exteen ^^! As I said at the very begining, with CS, I think I'm making it into much more of a deal than I really should. And you know, I sort of want to start doing something around this time - seeing as I've also just started a new place and things.
Another thing I find curious is the fact that I'm perfectly content in a group of International friend/ Thai seniors - I can talk, laughed and just generally shoot the shits. But I'm a bit apprehensive of my kitchen mate - just 'cause their primary language of communication is German... ^^!! I'll have to look more into how to force myself to 'interact' with German soon! Just because it's easier to speak in English - I guess there's the desire to 'express oneself' which gets frustrated if it can't be expressed properly which sort of overcome the 'common sense' approach of forcing oneself OUT of one's comfort zone ^^!
Why slash though? (Sorry about jumping back and forth - I think because there're a few things that have been floating around for a while and since they haven't been put down until now, they are bound to be a bit.. unconnected ^^!) I think there's the aesthetic value of it - I remember getting into HD + 1st Gen (are they my first fandom? Wow!), it was because of the AMAZING fanart. I remember there was the time when I was into Draco/Hermionie - can't rememer but it must be BEFORE my HD. Heh ;E! See, the thing with D/Her was that they were both pretty sharp and it was a good intellectual match. The thing with HD (apart from the fanart ;p!) though, was the fact that there was more potential for adventure, action and angst.
Not that I have it fully worked out in my head yet - but if you want to look at it from a biological/evolutionary POV, same sex coupling means no threat to the female? Because no offspring would come of it? But that's not.. hmm. As I said, not yet very clear in my head..^^!
00.40 241011 - Was out all day, well all afternoon, yesterday (Sun 23). Went up to Philosophenweg and further up to Heidelberger Thingstätte (an outdoor amphitheatre built in the Third Reich) and the Heiligenbergturm (an old church tower that really reminds me of the 'classic' castle tower look!). Then came back, cooked some spaghetti bolognese and do random things on the internet (soooo slow!!!) - oh, more like watching the pixar clips etc. Was introduced to a new jap anime series 'Samurai Champloo'. Each ep is only 20 min so it's not too bad, I suppose..
Just realised I'm a lot more toucht-feely than I previously thought too ^^!
Will publish this now - I think this is more than long enough ^^! Any other points can just be a new entry ;P!
Will go and finish my tutorial presently - I seriously don't know where all of my time's gone!!! ^^!!!